Took a step

So I took that first step and called the hospital down in Texas to see how my dad was doing. Hes stable now, but still in critical condition. He responds when asked a question by blinking his eyes for yes and no. He is still not talking. his vital are starting to stable out and his labs came back good. He died on the table and they brought him back. He has a lung infection, and hes starting to recognize ppl.

I talked to a few of my Aunts down there that I have met a couple times while they were visiting here.

I am more confused then ever before when it comes to my dad. Some of the stuff they told me. I don’t know. All I can say is that I made that first step and called the hospital. I left that door open should he chose to walk through it when he gets better.

No matter what happens from all this, it will change everything. Should he walk through that door that I opened, I could end up having a dad. Should he not, then that door is closed and I no longer have to wonder about “what could be”, “what if….” I will know one way or the other.

I am not entirely sure if I made the right decision. But when I stopped to think of “it might be too late” I figured it might be now or never so I took that step and called. If I am making a mistake, I will learn in time. If I am not, then I have nothing to worry about, right? I took a chance that I might not get again. I guess I will learn in time if it was the right thing to do or not…………

My aunt told me that my dad was still an alcoholic. And that maybe now, he will go into rehab and get some help. They believed he OD’d. But they aren’t sure and not sure what it could have been.

I just dont get it…

I just dont get it sometimes. How you can have parents, who only care about going out. Hey… you wanna go out, i dont care. Not my business, but when you come over and ask me to join you for a night out, and my mother or mother in law can’t babysit… they dont understand why i dont want to leave her with “their friend”. Why would I do that? A beer is NOT that important to me that I need to leave my kid with just anyone.  I dont care what It is I want to do.. if My kid is not safe, with someone I trust… nothing is worth that. Not just anyone babysits my kids. and I have never and will never leave them with just anyone just so i can go out, have a few drinks and shake my ass on the dance floor. I can stay home, have juice and cookies with my kids, dance around my living room, have tons of fun and I know my kids are safe.

I know sometimes, everyone needs a break. but every weekend? no matter who you have take your kids? Thats not cool. thats not good!

My kids are more important to me than alcohol. I would much rather have fun with my kids.

that is just me though.

I do enjoy going out. i do enjoy a break and having a good time. But i have kids. My priorities are my kids first, then my fun and recreation second.

I have a husband, and kids. the bar and night club scene isnt my favorite thing to do anymore. I have become boring and a home body.. and I am okay with that. Wanna know why? Because my kids are going to grow up KNOWING they were more important than a night of drinking. they were/are and alway s will be the most important and most fun thing I could can and will ever have to do!